🧠 “That’s Not Fair!” – This Week’s Social Coaching Scoop In this week’s newsletter, we’re tackling one of the most common kid complaints: “That’s not fair!” Learn how to turn these tough moments into teachable ones that build emotional resilience and social flexibility. Plus: ✅ Summer social skills groups in Boxborough, MA 📚 Friendship-building book series 🧾 Parent consults & school support 💻 Fall workshop bookings now open 📬 Read it here: https://conta.cc/3Z2RjcD Serving families across Boxborough, Acton, and surrounding communities. #SocialSkills #EmotionalRegulation #DonnaShea #PeterPanCenter #ParentSupport #BoxboroughMA #SummerPrograms #CoachingKids #SocialEmotionalLearning #MiddlesexCountyMA

Have you ever heard a child say something brutally honest—like, “That’s a weird shirt” or “This is boring”—and wanted to disappear into the floor?

They weren’t being mean on purpose. They were simply missing a key social skill: using a filter.

In my social groups, we talk a lot about social filters—the tool kids need to pause and ask themselves: “Should I say this out loud… or just keep it in my head?”

🎯 Why It Matters:

Social filters help protect friendships. They give kids the power to think before they speak, consider the feelings of others, and avoid misunderstandings that can push peers away.

🧠 How to Teach It:

• Try the “Think It or Say It?” game. Give examples and ask your child to decide whether it’s something to say out loud or keep private.
• Talk about tone and timing. Even helpful feedback (“You have something on your face”) needs the right delivery.
• Model it! Share your own moments of “thinking it” but not saying it: “I was annoyed at the store today, but I kept that thought to myself.”

💬 What to Say to Your Child:

• “Just because a thought pops into your brain doesn’t mean it needs to pop out of your mouth.”
• “It’s okay to think something—but if it might hurt someone’s feelings, it’s probably better to keep it private.”

🌱 The Long-Term Payoff:

Kids who learn how to use social filters grow into adults who are more emotionally intelligent, self-aware, and capable of forming lasting relationships. And that starts with a little coaching, a little practice, and a whole lot of patience.

From Sidelines to Starters: Coaching Kids to Make the First Social Move

If your child struggles with making the first move in social situations, they’re not alone. Many kids wait to be noticed, invited, or included—but learning how to initiate friendship is a powerful skill that can open the door to real social success.

At our social coaching program for children in Boxborough, MA, we use relatable metaphors—like football—to teach social skills for kids in a way that feels fun and familiar. We explain that in friendship, just like in football, there are receivers and quarterbacks. The receiver waits, while the quarterback makes the play. And in the game of making friends, the child who knows how to throw the friendship ball—even something as simple as saying, “Wanna play?”—has a better shot at connection.

Whether your child is shy, unsure, or just needs a little coaching to build confidence, our approach is grounded in social coaching strategies that support positive social development in real-world settings.

Crafting Friendship IRL!

This week’s social skills activity is inspired by one of our favorite games—Minecraft!

We challenged our kiddos to build a crafting table and tools using nothing but sticks, cardboard, and duct tape. Why? Because just like in Minecraft, real-life friendships take creativity, collaboration, and problem-solving to build.

What they practiced:

Teamwork

Compromise

Turn-taking

Sharing ideas (and duct tape!) Watching them plan, build, laugh, and troubleshoot together reminded us that sometimes the best way to build friendship… is to literally build it.

#SocialSkillsInPlay #MinecraftIRL #CraftingFriendship #SocialLearning #KidsWhoBuild

Social rejection is tough—for kids and their grownups. Whether it’s not being invited to a party or being left out of a game, rejection hurts. But it can also be a powerful moment for growth. Here are a few ways to help your child bounce back and build resilience:

Normalize the feeling: “It’s okay to feel sad or left out. That happens to everyone sometimes.”

Reframe the experience: “This doesn’t mean you’re not a good friend. It just means you’re still learning how to find your people—and that takes time.”

Coach, don’t rescue: Role-play what your child might say or do next time. This builds social confidence and problem-solving skills.

Celebrate courage: Showing up again after being hurt takes bravery. Remind your child how proud you are of their effort to keep trying.

Social success isn’t about always getting it right—it’s about learning, adapting, and growing stronger over time. #SocialSkillsForKids #ParentingTips #ResilientKids #GrowthMindset #SocialEmotionalLearning #KidsLifeSkills

Yesterday, while a group of middle school boys were enjoying the screen time part of their session, I kept hearing the phrase “TikTok brain rot” come up in their conversation.

Curious about what they meant, I did a little digging and came across this article that breaks it down.

Worth a read if you’re wondering what our kids are talking about these days! https://psyche.co/ideas/why-teenagers-are-deliberately-seeking-brain-rot-on-tiktok

I had the pleasure of doing back-to-back trainings on Monday for extended day program providers in Westwood and Natick. I do many of these trainings for before and after school program staff.

A theme that runs through these trainings and discussions is entitlement and lack of respectful interactions from both children and parents.

One example of this: As a special treat, staff took out a Wii to play old school video games. The kids were given a choice to go to the gym or play on the Wii. Those that stayed to play on the Wii were put in a timed rotation system so that everyone had turns and a fair chance to play. A particular child opted to go the gym instead. When his mother picked him up, he spotted the video games and demanded a turn. Staff told him and his mother that there was a system in place and that he had chosen not to participate. His mother demanded he receive a turn as he grew upset, and was told that disrupting the system was not going to happen. As staff left to dismiss other children, they came back to discover that the mother had taken it upon herself to tell the other children they had to stop playing, and her son was using the game.

Another example: A child was given the choice of doing an art project or going outside to the playground. She chose to go outside. At pick-up time, she decided she now wanted to do the project and was told the day was over. As she threw a tantrum, her mother requested that staff put the materials together for her to take home.

Other ways that entitlement is encouraged:

• Asking that exceptions be made for a child;
• Doing everything for a child that the child is capable of doing;
• Undermining adults who care for the child in front of the child;
• Not enforcing the use of basic manners and asking politely instead of making demands; and,
• Any way that we give children the power of one of the needs of many.

Yes, there are kids with specific needs that may need extra support in learning that these basic manners and rules apply to everyone. Challenges such as ADHD are definitely a reason that some things are harder to learn and accomplish, but never an excuse for treating other people poorly.

Do you, or someone that you love, tend to be a glass-half-empty kind of human? Maybe there tends to be a lot of complaining, of focus on the things that go wrong, rather than what is going right?

Did you know that are brains are hard-wired to look more for the negative (or in the very far past be always on alert for danger in the forms of things that will hurt us), than they are for the positive?
The science of positive psychology has proven that we can re-wire ourselves to be more optimistic. One of the keys to this is gratitude.

I call it the Gratitude Game when I am caring for my elderly mother, who honestly, has a lot to be discouraged about. So much has physically and cognitively been taken from her by Parkinson’s disease. We all know, though, that being around someone who stays stuck in the “what is wrong” can be very draining. So with my mother, I play this game and help her look for things to be grateful for. A warm house. That my Dad takes amazing care of her. Her children live close by.

A play this game myself when life gets tough. I’ve been playing it for awhile now, and I find that the science is true. I am much more resilient through the tough days, because even on the worst of them, I remind myself that there is so much to be grateful for.

You can start your own Gratitude Game at dinner tonight. Ask each family member about three things that happened to day that were good, and why they are good. You can start a Gratitude Jar with small slips of paper and family members can write down things they are grateful for. Open it New Year’s Eve or any other special time. We don’t have to practice gratitude only in the month of November. If we practice it all year long, the Gratitude Game will serve you well on the darkest days when you need to play it. https://conta.cc/3MvfpXc The Peter Pan Center

socialskills #socialskillsforkids #socialskillsgroups #friendship #adhd #anxiety #asd #aspergers #parentingadvice #parentingtips #parentsupport #socialcoach #socialemotionallearning

As our school year groups wrapped up to pause until September, I had the great pleasure of kids asking for me to help them have playdates with each other over the summer. I love being their matchmaker!

I think one of the most rewarding aspects of my role as a social coach is to see the sparks of real friendships turn into flames of truly connected relationships for kids. For many, this can be the very first real friendship experience.

I often tell kids that friends are not necessarily found among schoolmates, and one must embark on a treasure hunt in other places, because your friends are out there.

When a connection or multiple connections occur within a group, I ask both families for permission to connect them via email, and then they take it from there. One vital element is to treat these playdates that are set up as a most important appointment. For kids who are getting some of their first invitations to play, the goal is to try and make this happen, no matter what.

For kids who have struggled in the past on playdates, having a planned activity or agenda will add some necessary structure, as is having the kids on the parental radar while they are together. Another benefit of finding friends in a social group or a place where there are common interests, is that you almost inherently meet another parent who will “get” your child, which may alleviate your anxiety about judgement for when your child hits a bump.

It’s been three days of rain, cold, and June Gloom as I write my tips for this week. And there is more in the forecast.

I was joking with the receptionist at my dental office (as we chatted about the weather) that I am a full-sun plant, and this gloom was really getting to me. I spent most of the weekend feeling very low energy and coach-potato-ing.

I remember the days when I couldn’t understand why my teen sons would hang blankets over the bedroom windows, and keep their environments so dark. I guess that I should have realized that I was raising full shade plants. We need to be careful with full shade teens though, as this can also be a sign of depression. And then, I think that there are just people who like their environments cave-like.

I’ve used this plant analogy with kids enrolled in my social groups as well. There are some kids who come here and never demonstrate the challenges that their parent is reporting. It can be frustrating for parents to know that I haven’t witnessed what they explain are the issues, but that’s okay. I look at it as kids who are plants that need direct sunlight (coaching) and some do better with indirect sunlight (absorbing the coaching that I am giving other kids). Either way, plants will take in what they need, as will kids.

Think about all the different varieties and needs of the plant world. It isn’t too far of a stretch to apply it to us humans, including our small humans. When we are given what we require, and planted where we do best, we are sure to bloom.

#socialskills #socialskillsforkids #socialskillsgroups #friendship #adhd #anxiety #asd #aspergers #parentingadvice #parentingtips #parentsupport #socialcoach #socialemotionallearning