Have you ever heard a child say something brutally honest—like, “That’s a weird shirt” or “This is boring”—and wanted to disappear into the floor?
They weren’t being mean on purpose. They were simply missing a key social skill: using a filter.
In my social groups, we talk a lot about social filters—the tool kids need to pause and ask themselves: “Should I say this out loud… or just keep it in my head?”
🎯 Why It Matters:
Social filters help protect friendships. They give kids the power to think before they speak, consider the feelings of others, and avoid misunderstandings that can push peers away.
🧠 How to Teach It:
- Try the “Think It or Say It?” game. Give examples and ask your child to decide whether it’s something to say out loud or keep private.
- Talk about tone and timing. Even helpful feedback (“You have something on your face”) needs the right delivery.
- Model it! Share your own moments of “thinking it” but not saying it: “I was annoyed at the store today, but I kept that thought to myself.”
💬 What to Say to Your Child:
- “Just because a thought pops into your brain doesn’t mean it needs to pop out of your mouth.”
- “It’s okay to think something—but if it might hurt someone’s feelings, it’s probably better to keep it private.”
🌱 The Long-Term Payoff:
Kids who learn how to use social filters grow into adults who are more emotionally intelligent, self-aware, and capable of forming lasting relationships. And that starts with a little coaching, a little practice, and a whole lot of patience.
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